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Saturday, 02.04.2012 |
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| When the Wind Blows |
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Product Details
Notes
there are so many examples of bad writing in this book
it obviously shows that a good story will do well even with bad writing
but at the same time, i want to analyze it and learn from these examples
the first section of the prologue starts out immediately with problems
the "hateful, despicable School" is telling, not showing
saying that the girl is pretty but with dark circles under her eyes is the same
if it's from the girl's viewpoint, she wouldn't be thinking about her appearance
Uncle Thomas is introduced, and later there are two different Thomas names
she unfurls her wings, and again, she wouldn't note that the span was nine feet
she flies like a bird over the fence, which is a cliche
the second section of the prologue continues with more problems
first, it's not clear that time has slightly backtracked, the girl hasn't flown yet
there is a statement about how blood is making a pounding sound in their ears
but again, the viewpoint is not accurate, it should be the leader's viewpoint
in that case, you can't know what all of them are feeling in their ears
the third section of the prologue moves to a new character
it feels like too many characters are being introduced too quickly
again, it's from his perspective, but he notes that he's good-looking
he also states that he is pathetic, which again is telling instead of showing
his name is Thomas Anthony Brennan, but that's the second Thomas now
then he refers to himself as Kit, Tom, whatever, and the Tom is confusing
plus it sounds like he had a son named Tommy too
this stuff only makes sense if all these Thomas characters connect later on
but they don't, they're all different people with similar names
now we start the first chapter of book one
and again, the viewpoint is confusing, we don't know it's a female voice
the first indication is when she says that Duffy hit on her
but that's bad, it's not definitive and it makes the reader reset the gender
when Duffy says her name, Frannie, we finally are clear that it's a female
the second chapter continues Frannie's viewpoint, this is better now
there is the background story on the murder of her husband, David
that seems rather arbitrary at this point, it's not critical to the story yet
it feels a little forced, like we know it'll come back later, but why say it now?
the stuff about saving the fawn is good, it develops Frannie's character
the confrontation with Kit is okay, but saving his name for the end is overkill
it's not like it's some big suspense to end with the cliffhanger of Kit's name
in general, the book keeps switching between first and third person
it's not clear who the main character really is, Frannie or Kit
there are also cliches and overuse of exclamation points
the chapters from the viewpoint of Max don't use appropriate words for a child
and the background on Kit's wife and kids never plays a role later on
but as usual, the pace is really fast, with short chapters and paragraphs
the ending is decent also, it has a nice emotional resonance
so even though the writing technique has problems, it's okay overall |
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